Thursday, August 31, 2006

[academicsecret] 9/01/2006 05:45:37 AM

Oh, how I hate the Conscious Misogynists, who think prefacing their offensive remarks with a half-apology for their sexism makes it any better.
One of my professors used to say:
"I know you feminists might find this offensive [wink, smirk] but ..."

In other words, I'm right there with you Sienna.

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Posted by thistle to academicsecret at 9/01/2006 05:45:37 AM

[academicsecret] 9/01/2006 05:40:33 AM

Oh, and welcome Dandelion!

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Posted by thistle to academicsecret at 9/01/2006 05:40:33 AM

[academicsecret] 9/01/2006 05:40:01 AM

I've been meaning to respond to this post for days now (approx. 7 days, in fact). But I just kept putting it off.

Now that I'm no longer in classes, the 20-30 hours of grad-studenty-work thing is totally out the window. I just had to do my time sheet for my two part-time research gigs for the last two weeks. Total billable hours for 2 weeks? 11. I'm not even sure I could keep organisms alive on that.

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Posted by thistle to academicsecret at 9/01/2006 05:40:01 AM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 11:41:58 PM

This would be frustrating, indeed. I don't think I have such a person in my immediate environment these days. That's nice to know. Sometimes it's helpful to hear about other people's complaints to realize how good you have it in some realms.:-)

Welcome, Sienna, good start.

Like Clear, however, I'm also not 100% clear on hte Behind Door # theme, but that hasn't stopped me before.:-)

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 11:41:58 PM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 11:38:12 PM

Sounds about right, Clear. It doesn't surprise me too much. Although you raise an interesting issue. Are we boring if all the secrets we've got are simply complaints? Or is that the most common form of a secret regardless? (Probably not. I think some other secrets may be harder to represent graphically though.)

Why don't you submit something that's not a complaint?:)

And is it just me, or does it take an academic site of this sort for a comment like that to include "massively modal"?

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 11:38:12 PM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 11:04:18 PM

Er. I'm sorry? ;-)

Glad to see you on the front page, Sienna.

Sulpher, conscious asshole has a better ring, but the literal translation is decidedly more disturbing.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 11:04:18 PM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 08:33:33 PM

I'm in your corner Sienna! Although I would be more harsh and call them 'Conscious Assholes'. People who make a comment they know is ridiculous then talk about how ridiculous it is but then try to justify how they should be allowed to make them...or some equally inane sort of indescribably faulty logic. My secret desire is to come up with a razor sharp witty comeback that will make them stop doing that crap...evermore!

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 08:33:33 PM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 05:56:40 PM

I think the graphics for this are great as well. And my agreement with the sentiment, well, goes without saying.

(Although: Is it just me, or is the massively modal picture secret so far basically a complaint? I guess maybe that's the massively modal secret--frustrations with things that we don't feel like we can voice.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 05:56:40 PM

[academicsecret] 8/31/2006 05:51:37 PM

Speaking of slackers, I need to send out the next round of a.secret invites. The start of the semester has been hectic for this site's see-through houseboy. I think I'm not sure how the "Behind Door #" idea works, although I like anything that's a Let's Make A Deal reference.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/31/2006 05:51:37 PM

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/30/2006 08:09:29 PM

navy, your colleagues will understand that you can't write a negative letter. We all know the secret language of rec letters. The rule is, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. That's what a short letter means. One day you'll get to write a letter for a strong student and send it to the same place. Then all will be right with the universe. Until then, you have to write this letter in the secret language, unless you can find a way to slip in something like,

"I think his dissertation is vaguely about X, at least that's what the last draft seemed to say. This surprised me because the previous draft was about Y, but X is interesting, too. Well, good luck with your search."

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Posted by Sienna to academicsecret at 8/30/2006 08:09:29 PM

[academicsecret] 8/30/2006 05:24:06 PM

Cool PS design!

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Posted by Plaid to academicsecret at 8/30/2006 05:24:06 PM

[academicsecret] 8/30/2006 03:50:58 PM

Kodachrome: I think your philosophy sounds great. I have also resolved no longer to spend a lot of time trying to pull better material out of a student that isn't really deserving of a great letter anyway.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/30/2006 03:50:58 PM

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/30/2006 02:05:07 AM

Interesting point, Koda, glad you came back to procrastinate some more and add that last bit!

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/30/2006 02:05:07 AM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 09:48:57 PM

Thanks for the thoughts on this. Let me introduce one more factor in all this.

At some level, writing a letter of recommendation is also a statement about yourself, especially in cases where the people reading the letter at the other end know you. So you don't want to do a really obviously poor job, because you don't want the people at the other end to think that you're not taking things of this sort seriously.

Also, you would be doing future students a disservice by being too enthusiastic about students who don't deserve it. You don't want to dilute the weight of your recommendation.

All that said, you also don't want to be the single source of grief for a student.

But that statement is probably pretty dumb, after all, if this student had been more motivated and serious about his work and wouldn't have been the type to want to cut corners all the type then I don't think I'd be here writing about the case in the first place.

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 09:48:57 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 07:51:24 PM

I was going to steer clear of this post (I feel a little inexperienced in this realm), but I think that kodachrome brings up a good point. When my partner was on the search committee at our old school he introduced me to the concept that what the letter conveys is not so much the positive or negative tone (not that it's unimportant), but the length and detail, which say much more about the student.

I used to detail strengths and weaknesses when I wrote letters for students (usually undergrads looking for jobs, grad school, etc.). Now I let myself focus on their strengths without worrying so much about detailing their faults, knowing that my endorsement will come through in other subtle ways. Brainstorming better candidates is a good idea too.

But, like I said, I don't have much experience with this yet.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 07:51:24 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 09:10:54 PM

Ooooh. I'm bad, now. I should really be leaving, but I've been meaning to say,"Hello" Dandelion. Plus, I absolutely *must* explain myself. I don't think it's the humor so much as it is the alternative "draw" (comedy) that attracts his audience. The so-called news has to pull some pretty stupid news-like and not-so-newslike stunts in their attempts to draw an audience, and *still* they're constrained to stay within the confines of an admitedly changing definintion of "news." All I'm saying is that this comedy premise gives him more freedom, and that's a good thing, so long as we're not confused about it.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 09:10:54 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 07:50:29 PM

Jon Stewart has a pretty female-heavy fan base based on the oh-so-significant sample of my acquaintance.

Do you think comedy is the only reason he can be more critical than the mainstream media? I agree that it's easier to criticize when you're outside the system, but I don't think that means it's not possible for journalists to be just as critical. I rewatched his infamous appearance on Crossfire recently and it was still just as frustrating to see the hosts try to laugh off his pleas for them to ask some harder questions occasionally.

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Posted by Dandelion to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 07:50:29 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 07:12:29 PM

It took me nearly ten years to stop thinking that all students should have great rec letters even if they're not great students. Now, I just write them. They're all nice. Letters for great students whom I know well have lots of detail and evidence for my claims. Letters for slackers, just deliver whatever I can think of that might help the student suceed. My "just write it" philosophy saves me HOURS per (bad) letter because it doesn't take very long to write a nice letter for a weak or inattentive student, and it can take a very long time to negotiate with a student who shouldn't have asked for a letter in the first place. These folks are likely to make several visits to your office with bad news about the other people who won't write letters for them (too busy, cough!). Also, asking for supporting materials from a weak student is like shooting yourself in the foot--it generates three or four visits, you give them comments, get no results, or the product deteriorates, you remember why the student is weak, the letter gets harder to write. Yikes!

All I do is explain the difference between a strong letter and a weak letter to everyone who asks me for one. I do that in abstract terms, so it's less horrible for the student, and if they really need to look elsewhere, I spend some time helping them brainstorm about people who know them better.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 07:12:29 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 06:41:47 PM

Hi Fraud, Interesting, you bring up the reverse process, that social criticism infects comedy. Although I'd argue that there is even a politics of bathroom jokes, it is interesting to ponder whether the two things might be related.

Navy, good point about Friday! Tivo keeps me confused about these things. Right. Oprah's not funny, but critical in a stealth kind of way. I assume you're right that Stewart gets a better gender mix, but I'll bet he tilts the scales pretty heavily toward men--You know the Democrats keep loosing because they are a bunch of p-- um, girls. Maybe women like to hear that and think it's funny, but I kinna doubt it.

Suphur Siren, it's not that I disagree with you. Obviously I watch, and even record the Daily Show. I also think humor is vitally important for me, personally and politically, but I'd hate to see Stewart get confused about the reason he can be more critical than his journalistic counterparts. (Comedy is the lure for him.)

Yes, Life is Beautiful, nbb. I couldn't live in a world without humor, but I also think that if we had to do it all through humor, we'd be screwed. I'm especially remembering Stewart's first show after 9-11. It was a disaster, in itself. We had been drowning in the "real" news for I-forget-how-long while he tried to recover and then took some more time off out of respect. When he finally came back, he had nothing, and there was so much to say! I am sympathetic to his personal dilemma, I'm sure it was just impossible to be funny, but it was not impossible to be critical! I could have tossed the tv out the window that night.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 06:41:47 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 06:33:45 PM

This is tough and I agree with the others.

That said, I would like to represent a somewhat different perspective, just to balance things out and as a reality check.

A few years ago I had a similar issue. The one difference was that I was being asked to do something like this for free, with the idea that good deeds will be rewarded down the line. I said no. I just couldn't take on one more such thing. Overall, I'm glad I hadn't.

That said, I think I did lose out. The person asking had some amount of clout (like she'd organize somewhat exclusive parties) and I was never included in her special activities. I suspect I would've been had I done what she'd asked. Oh well, not a huge deal overall, but some repurcussion.

Regarding the pay, I do think that it is fairly common for students to do work below market value. Of course, you do have way more going on than you can handle right now. But this situation is not that rare and other students do say yes (making it harder for people like you to say no) so while not really appropriate, it is certainly not unprecedented. And in some cases a student may be smart to say yes in such a situation. (Plus in this case, there may be some amount of payoff to you from being in a dept that has a good online presence, granted, may be little.)

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 06:33:45 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 02:26:11 PM

As a total Jon Stewart devotee (love both the Daily Show and the Colbert Report), I suppose I am not objective. Humor is an absolute "moral imperative" to quote Real Genius.

That said, I think Jon is talking only about mainstream media. Certainly it is impossible to say there is a lack of social criticism out there. It is all over the places I inhabit. One could argue that the mainstream media has never been particularly adept at criticizing phenomena for which they are partly responsible. I would, however, say they are good and a subtle and insidious forms of social criticism. Prime examples: 1) Continuing espousal of a dangerous and exclusionary definition of patriotism. 2) Routine indictment the socioeconomic independence of women.

With that sort of assault, humor is merely an embolitic prophylactic.

Just my three cents.

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 02:26:11 PM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 01:35:18 PM

It likely wasn't Friday since I don't think his show is on on Friday. (I figure they figure his main audience goes out on Friday. I figure they sometimes figure wrong.)

I don't think of Oprah as particularly funny, but I also don't have that much experience with her. That said, I agree that she is *very* important in getting information out to the public.

And Jon Stewart, absolutely certainly! That said, my impression is that you have to be fairly savvy to get some of those jokes. So it's not for everyone necessarily, which is a bummer. (Oprah is better that way, in my opinion, in reaching lots of people. But the gender of her audience is probably less varied.)

Humor is important in communicating lots of messages to people. (Life is Beautiful, anyone?) Should anything be wrong with that? I mean, sure, some topics perhaps should be beyond humor (Life is Beautiful, anyone?), on the other hand, can be extremely helpful in certain situations that are otherwise hard to endure (I won't say it one more time).

Well, this comment is perhaps going further than you had intended.. I guess I'm into free association this early in the academic year.

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 01:35:18 PM

Monday, August 28, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 12:55:41 AM

I need to think more about this post before I respond thoughtfully, but I wanted to add Chris Rock to your list of popular culture icons who help make the world a more socially aware place. Sure, a lot of people watched Bigger and Blacker for the profanity or vulgarity, but anyone really listening got some great social commentary as well.]

I do miss my old party-central school where any kind of humor went over well. Now I feel like I have to keep it clean and it's tough when I learned to teach with humor as a crutch.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 12:55:41 AM

[academicsecret] 8/29/2006 12:39:33 AM

Part II of David Burns' book The Feeling Good Handbook has a little on procrastination. I did find this page, although it's not the greatest.

I used to have an absolutely debilitating fear of failure. It started in the 4th grade. I just wouldn't do something (usually homework or assignments) so that I would fail because I didn't do it rather than failing because I hadn't done it well. When I got to graduate school something had to be done, so I started seeing a CBT-focused therapist. Clearly with a name like Fraud I still have issues, but I got through that fear of failure, nearly conquered some serious compulsive behavior, and reduced my depression/anxiety (enough to get off anti-anxiety medication). I highly recommend it.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/29/2006 12:39:33 AM

[academicsecret] 8/28/2006 05:14:09 PM

In the article, it sounded like sharing too much was bad because it forces you to confront the truth about yourself and that might hurt your self-image. Is it better to pretend to yourself that you're okay?
I've only shared one secret so far, but telling someone how little work I've been doing has actually made me feel like I should do something about it. Whereas trying to pretend I'm being productive just makes me feel more guilty and want to avoid work even more.
I would have thought sharing too much would be a problem if other people's negative reactions reinforced a negative self-image, or if other people used the information against you.
I think a.secret is a good place to share some things because someone else can generally identify with the secrets and nobody knows who you are, so neither of those things are likely to occur.

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Posted by Dandelion to academicsecret at 8/28/2006 05:14:09 PM

[academicsecret] 8/28/2006 04:57:16 PM

This has got to be one of the most awkward scenarios to say no in, so it should be good practise for avoiding becoming over committed in general. Well done!

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Posted by Dandelion to academicsecret at 8/28/2006 04:57:16 PM

[academicsecret] 8/28/2006 04:41:22 PM

Salmon Ella, you're welcome to take part, if you think you can beat me :) I didn't take you as seriously because you said you were just kidding when thistle challenged you; sorry!

Turquoise, I'm not quite ready to fake my own death, because I haven't quite given up hope that I'll figure out a way to become more productive. Let me know if you find a solution!

Fraud, do you know of any good cognitive-behavioral resources for procrastination?

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Posted by Dandelion to academicsecret at 8/28/2006 04:41:22 PM

Sunday, August 27, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/27/2006 01:28:42 PM

I am really impressed with how well you stood up for yourself.

I would try to walk those hallways with pride, knowing that there are those out there who support your decision whole-heartedly.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/27/2006 01:28:42 PM

Saturday, August 26, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/27/2006 03:42:45 AM

I agree with everyone here; you were right to turn them down. Your department is just trying to get around paying a fair amount for the work and just trying to make you feel guilty. You wouldn't be learning anything by making the website; instead, you'd be performing a service for which you already have professional skills. Therefore you should not be considered a student assistant on that project. You were right to stand your ground, and it will surely blow over soon enough. Congrats on being strong!

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/27/2006 03:42:45 AM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 06:36:33 PM

I agree that the article's not great, and it's just MSNBC, but it sounds like interesting research. I guess it made me think about blgging in general and how a lot of people seem to just let it all hang out in their blogs, and that they might think of it as cathartic. Then I thought about here. If we did let it all hang out, but we're pseudo-strangers, is that a different experience? I know, though, that none of us are sharing everything and we're all sharing something, so we're happily in-between. Maybe I should just call up the researcher for some collaboration. :)

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 06:36:33 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 04:50:38 PM

The article is interesting, more precisely, the topic of the article is interesting.. the article itself isn't great. I didn't think it summarized the issues too well, but Mahogany does. And I think that's about right: the issue doesn't seem to be with people who share some. And if anything, being here probably means that we are interested in sharing some things, but with care.. and likely not everything though. So we don't fall into the group of people who share nothing, and we're not the ones blogging under our names about everything under the sun. I think we're safe.:)

I'm enjoying being part of a.secret and that's what matters to me. If I have other issues (psych. or whatever), that's likely from my job or whatnot and not b/c I posted a pseudonymous note about it. Personally, it helps me to air some concerns, and it also helps me to see others' concerns and know that I'm not alone in mine. Plus there is fun stuff on here as well. I doubt much of that will have adverse consequences.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 04:50:38 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 01:58:04 PM

Agreed. Do nothing new in the department.
Just let yourself off the hook!

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 01:58:04 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 01:57:43 PM

My read of the article says (if you want to sketch-out your fate from msnbc) that two kinds of people should be concerned, those who share everything and those who share nothing. I would venture to guess that this site falls short of emptying us of all our secrets. Just a guess. I always figured that the point was fun! And, although that wasn't addressed in the article you linked, I assume that must be good for us.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 01:57:43 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 01:40:23 PM

Salmon, I work in a full-time job similar to what you had before (instructional design, web development, etc. at a university). I'm also a full time grad student. I often get asked if I can help out with special projects (usually those involving technology).

I have to say no. It's hard but I have to. I don't have the time to take on another project on top of a very demanding job and school schedule. But I also get paid well for what I do and I've had to learn this just like anyone else learns skills. These are valuable skills that deserve to be treated with the same respect as that PhD'd professor's skills deserve. They took time to hone and get to the level where they are desirable.

I think I'm fortunate. My advisor tells me not to volunteer for anything. She wants me to focus more on my studies and my work and not get too involved in the other things. I can use her as a shield, if need be (and the need does occasionally arise) to say no.

Stick to your guns. You did the right thing.

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Posted by dawn to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 01:40:23 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 01:34:27 PM

Hi Orangina, Don't worry about the pomposity factor. There is much to love about their writing and everybody says so, even/especially when mentioning pomposity--which is really just a matter of tone. And, from what I hear of that politics seminar, they love it. They say it's the most difficult thing they've ever done--20 pages or writing a week with no-holds-barred criticism to follow, blood, sweat, tears, raw passion, and brain power. (They come to my classes in packs, which tells me that it's a bonding experience.) I have to say though, that's much easier on undergraduates. Graduate students and junior faculty quickly learn to feel frightened and alone. You can't handle their egos the same way. The tenured ego is probably worth a couple hundred posts on this site.

As for the life lessons, I am referring to the abstract idea of evaluation and the fact that you can learn something about outside-world evaluations from classroom evaluations. I have a little system that lets them have a fake non-threatening experience grading a whole set of papers, so they can see how much everyone agrees on what constitutes a good paper. (This amazes them.) Then we use that for discussion (so they can feel out my idiosyncrasies). But my point is that you can't ask a potential date for his or her grading rubric, nor can you do that in every employment situation. I see this as part of a larger problem in which students think they need college to be a thing that generates predictable grades, and they want to trim all the noise away from that relationship. I, on the other hand, want it to be a thing that improves their lives. (Grades, are no doubt important for that, I agree, but I think you should be able to get something from a class you flunked.) If there's one mistake we're making in higher education, today, I think it is that we fall into the trap of believing that our job is to generate Cliff Notes for people who ought to be learning to do that for themselves. Oh. Rant. Sorry. Cheerio! I'm off to pretend that Gitmo is Nirvana.

Ignorance is bliss!.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 01:34:27 PM

[academicsecret] 8/26/2006 12:30:19 PM

right. Don't do anything. it will sizzle fastest.
Congratulations on saying no :)

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Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 8/26/2006 12:30:19 PM

Friday, August 25, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 10:22:04 PM

Seems to me that we have some poster children for people who could benefit from cognitive-behavioral therapy. Seriously, though, there are things that can be done to overcome these thoughts and the accompanying anxiety.

Welcome, Dandelion. :)

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 10:22:04 PM

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 06:05:56 PM

Why can't I take part in the challenge?

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Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 06:05:56 PM

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 04:49:15 PM

as soon as I think about everything I'm behind on (or even if I try to just focus on one thing), I get too overwhelmed and want to cry.

AHA! So we're back to the faking-your-own-death theme and other assorted approaches to the "being overwhelmed" situation.

I have yet to figure out a solution to this myself. It is when your task list is so long that even the thought of working on any part of it makes you too anxious to get any work done. It's bad. *sniff*

PS. Great pic!

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 04:49:15 PM

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 02:16:08 PM

Thanks for the welcome, Clear and Orange ina.

I have thought about whether I should just give up on academia. It's not that I don't like it, though. I think my project is very cool and when I do some work on it and get some results, I do get excited about it. I just can't make myself do any work very often. I don't know what's wrong with me. I haven't always been this unproductive.
I keep trying to turn over a new leaf and start working harder, but as soon as I think about everything I'm behind on (or even if I try to just focus on one thing), I get too overwhelmed and want to cry.

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Posted by Dandelion to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 02:16:08 PM

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 01:17:52 PM

Welcome, Dandelion! A rousing first post, even if it does leave our friendly bottle of orange-y goodness wondering whether you are enjoying the academic life.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 01:17:52 PM

Thursday, August 24, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 06:05:55 AM

Welcome, Dandelion!

Not to kick you out of the club as you just got here, but so do you think academia is the right place for you? Are you staying around because you can read blogs 7 hrs/day on the job? Is it just that particular project that's not doing it for you? Why is it worth staying?

Alternatively, perhaps you're the amazingly productive type who can do in 15 minutes what takes others 5 hours so it doesn't matter how much time you spend on the work, because you're so efficient that you still get plenty done.

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Posted by Orange Ina to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 06:05:55 AM

[academicsecret] 8/25/2006 06:03:37 AM

Oooh, ouch, that sounds harsh. I hope your colleague also had something constructive to say (something concrete that is), because otherwise it's really hard to be left with that kind of a reaction and not know how to address it.

I'd be curious to hear more about this:
trying to help my students learn how to decipher the way other people evaluate them

Do you mean how they are evaluated in courses, or more generally in life? And how do you approach this topic?

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Posted by Orange Ina to academicsecret at 8/25/2006 06:03:37 AM

[academicsecret] 8/24/2006 03:06:05 PM

Navy Blue, with a sinister chuckle, I have to say, yes, I try very hard to replicate that in my real life, but, unfortunately and ironically what I like about that navy base is that (once you get inside) it's a socialist community. So, um. I'm only moderately successful in my efforts.

Re: shedding identity: That's always been important to me, don't know why, but I can say that I would never have been to a naval base if it weren't for the non-academic person in my life, and for all the talk about how open-minded we academics are, you know... But that's not to say my world isn't tiny. It is. tiny. All we can do is try to find a way to put our little worlds together.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/24/2006 03:06:05 PM

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/24/2006 04:48:28 AM

nbb: I think that home, like drive-thru, is comforting in doses. I could not live with that life day in and day out, but every once in a while it is really liberating to shed a persona to take on something with less (or different) expectations.

With regard to my personal life, I don't think that I could date a non-academic, or even someone who wasn't in a social science. It would be too hard to daily, or hourly, or minute-by-minute, switch my academic identity on and off. I've also found that people who haven't been to grad school, or in academia, oten just can't comprehend the time or passion we give our work, and that's difficult too. Good luck to you.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/24/2006 04:48:28 AM

[academicsecret] 8/24/2006 02:34:28 AM

Sounds a bit too dangerous to me. Personally, I would rather work on strategies to extract myself from such conversations.

PS. Sulphur, cool image!

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/24/2006 02:34:28 AM

[academicsecret] 8/24/2006 02:25:31 AM

Good for you, Fraud, glad to hear you're feeling so good about yourself! I find sometimes such feelings also translate into good feelings in other realms of my life.

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/24/2006 02:25:31 AM

[academicsecret] 8/24/2006 02:21:04 AM

Interesting, Mahogany. I would not have guessed that as an outcome.

I'm intrigued, what is it about the place that makes you feel so great.. and is there absolutely no way of replicating at least some of that in the rest of your life?

Fraud, your comments is interesting as well. Is it overall a good thing that people at home don't know what you're talking about. The person I'm dating right now doesn't know much about my area and I find it less-than-ideal. I can see the upside to some extent, but since I do like my area of research, it's a bit of a bummer.

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/24/2006 02:21:04 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 05:32:37 PM

I know exactly what you mean, Kodachrome. I've always been organized, but I think at this instituion it might be more rewarded than at my last one. Here they're intent on building community, not just building budgets and research agendas. It might be one place where - in some situations - the absent-minded professor thing doesn't get you as far (especially the absent-minded professor sans organized enabler, which is a role I once played).

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 05:32:37 PM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 05:12:15 PM

See. I think clear is right. And, here the gender thing emerges. It's great that you feel less fraudulent, but competence is not necessarily your friend. I think there may be a motive behind the "absent-minded professor" persona.

But since this is all a.secret: congratulations!

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 05:12:15 PM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 04:47:07 PM

As someone who already gets in trouble for not paying attention and for laughing inappropriately, I have to say, Scarlet, that I’m kinna skeptical of this game. I think it’s going to get me into trouble and I really don’t want to lose any friends-- or piss off any powerful people by blurting out stuff about farm animals and following with a lame reference to Orwell. So I think I should practice first. If you could all please clear your minds. What I mean is, Don’t Think of anything. … shh…

Did it work? Well I don’t know about you, but I definitely flunked ‘cause, (a) I can’t stop laughing, and (b) I have this image in my head of the last person I couldn’t listen to with a big red elephant. Lucky for me (and no thanks to Scarlet) they’re just dancing.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 04:47:07 PM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 01:51:24 PM

I have indulged in variations of this trick when I am feeling bored by an egregiously bad talk. Either I try to imagine the most outrageous thing that the person giving the talk could say (e.g., in the conclusions to the paper) or I imagine a member of the audience asking a horribly inappropriate question (and what would ensue).
It kinda makes me wish that I was the student of Garfinkle or Milgram, back in the glory days of sociology when people got to behave badly in public spaces and then publish their observations of what happened next (and what that tells us about interaction rituals and the like).
In any case, Scarlet, the attempt at telepathy is a nice twist. Thanks!! I'll be sure to let you know if I get any promising results!

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Posted by twilight blue to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 01:51:24 PM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 01:31:31 PM

Um..this happens to me involuntarily...followed by smirking smart ass expressions and snickering. It definitely does not make me look interested in what the other person is saying. In fact, I have had people stop in mid-sentence to ask me what is so funny.

Clearly my telepathy is underdeveloped if they have to ask.

Bummer.

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 01:31:31 PM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 12:24:45 PM

There are some great suggestions in here -- and a great plea, Sulph (can I call you Sulph? after all, I inflicted Turq on Turquoise, and it seems only fair).

I have real problems with this, because I tend to endow the asker (my chair, whatever) with parent-like qualities, and forget that I'm a colleague, in essence an equal.

This is really important -- refusing to do take on additional tasks. I guess it's important to decide whether something has a tangible benefit for you, and only in that instance say yes.

I like Fraud's suggestion to use something you did agree to as a way to refuse something else (I tend not to do that because I think "well, I wanted X, so how can I justify refusing to do somehting else because I _chose_ to do X." Stupid.

And I think I'm going to adopt Twilight's suggestion of keeping a list of things that have been refused without causing the world to end -- and adding a list of what I _have_ agreed to, so that I stop imagining that I'm not pulling my weight somehow.

Whew. Hot button issue for me, obviously.

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Posted by Chartreuse Circe to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 12:24:45 PM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 02:00:55 AM

You all are the best! I am delighted by your sneaking out of the office for make out sessions (I am so taking that on as a Fall semester goal), dancing wildly at shows, putting feminist indie band posters on the walls of your office, wearing super hero underoos (I will now spend conferences wondering who's sporting which super hero under their suits). I also very much appreciate your efforts to subvert that which is valued in specific domains, your empathy and support. Though I'm glad we're a secret society, this exchange made me wish I knew who y'all are, so that we could go out and play! Though, it helps tremendously just knowing you're out there...

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Posted by twilight blue to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 02:00:55 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 01:53:39 AM

I have a folder in my desktop email program in which I keep track of the things to which I've said "no." I look at it when I need to be reminded that
1) I CAN say "no";
2) the world does not fall apart when I do.

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Posted by twilight blue to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 01:53:39 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 01:22:23 AM

In academia, the ability to get things done is a precious commodity indeed. Don't flaunt it too much, or you'll have people who struggle with getting things done besiege you with schemes to work together with them.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 01:22:23 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 01:04:42 AM

I'd definitely be afraid I'd laugh.. or that it would slip out unintentionally. Eek!

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 01:04:42 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 12:35:16 AM

Although all my military experience is through family members and friends, I completely understand this sentiment.

It's a little different, but when I was a kid I was quickly promoted to a manager at McDonald's. Although I loved the position, what I loved even more were the days that I was allowed to shed that identity and just work drive-thru. I get the same feeling going home, where I'm not Dr. Fraud, and no one knows a thing about my discipline, and I just get to be me.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 12:35:16 AM

[academicsecret] 8/23/2006 12:30:46 AM

I say yes all the time.

I did get some advice at a retreat last week that might work in certain cases. They told us to find something we really wanted to do (a committee, etc.) and volunteer, and from that point forward, if anyone asked us to do something we were instructed to say, "Gee, I'd love to, but I'm already serving on X committee."

I think having a list of all that you're doing (because if you can't say no, I presume you're doing a lot), is a good thing to keep on your bulletin board to refer to.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/23/2006 12:30:46 AM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 10:27:08 PM

I LOVE that name for your baby, Salmon!:-) And what your partner says is a really good approach.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 10:27:08 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 07:16:53 PM

try treating the request as a joke.

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Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 07:16:53 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 07:15:52 PM

Well..the most recent thing is a grant proposal. I'm only starting my second year so being on proposals is good in theory. Except this proposal was really really really bad. (If I was reviewing it I would not have read past the first two horribly written pages.)

The problem is that it was a great opportunity (the program) and two veteran professors writing. So I kind of look like an upstart jerk by saying "Gee, this proposal would be better if you rewrote it. Oh and by the way your facts are three years out of date. Here is the latest relevant report." I could maybe have helped rewrite it except that I didn't get to see it until two weeks before the deadline. So I been agonizing over how to say "I don't want to do this" for a week and dodging email and phone calls. I feel like a "naughty puppy" (in the words of Chartreuse Circe). Like I will get in trouble.

But I wrote the post because it is a broader problem for me personally and professionally. I think the underlying problem is not that I am trying to please so much that I am trying not to disappoint. Also, I am not politically savvy and often under- or overestimate the outcomes of small actions. In this context, saying NO seems monumentally bad for some reason.

Maybe I need some of that superhero underwear endowed with special NO powers.

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 07:15:52 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 06:47:25 PM

We should have a contest on a.secret where all participants have to say NO to ten different work-related things in the next month. I've heard that is effective for getting people in the habit.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 06:47:25 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 06:20:37 PM

Pachaaa! Squid! Oh. That's a marine. I don't even know what language they speak on a naval base. And how, exactly would one survive without a PDA/cellphone? This is disturbing, Mahogany!

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 06:20:37 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 06:10:20 PM

Whoops! I'm sorry. Sulphur Siren. I couldn't resist saying, no, and then I had a thing to do (really!). I think the trick is to think hard about what you get, what the requester gets, and what larger groups get (like whether your work might benefit your own intellectual community). I turn down self-serving requests easily, and I have a natural aversion to flattery that serves me well. It’s guilt, in its various forms that nails me. Dagnabit! But the one thing I know for sure, even when I am unable to follow through… is that the biggest mistake in the book is to give your reasons. Never let someone who is trying to persuade you of something help you manage your priorities.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 06:10:20 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 06:15:39 PM

I just want to say I'm pleased to hear this news. Can't wait to meet our new correspondents.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 06:15:39 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 06:06:55 PM

That would annoy me, too. My spouse just says, "I have Sardine for the afternoon."

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Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 06:06:55 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 05:40:26 PM

Sorry to hear this Sulphur. Are these incidents in person? Over email? It matters.

Then again, maybe not that much. I think a step in the right direction would be if you promised yourself NEVER to accept anything (even the most obvious of requests/invitations) right after you've been asked. Set a rule for yourself. You will spend at least x hours or days (where x can be as low as 1) to contemplate a request/invitation.

Some things look really great or obvious or pressing in the moment, but once you've had even just a little time to contemplate, you realize it's not necessary and nothing will go wrong if you say no (or if something will, that won't be your problem).

For example, let's say you get a request over email. The person sending you the email doesn't know you've even read the email yet. So give yourself some time. If you get a request in person then say that you don't have your calendar on you and will have to check.

Of course, you'll always want to be grateful and polite, but you do NOT have to say yes to everything.

I've said no quite a few times in the past few months. I still have unbelievable amounts going on, of course, but I do feel good about those no's. I don't regret any of them. They weren't all easy, but those no's were all the right decision.

So take some time, that should help.

What goes through your mind exactly when you contemplate saying no, which all then results in a yes?

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 05:40:26 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 05:30:36 PM

No.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 05:30:36 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 03:56:31 PM

Oh come on. You know I didn't mean that people should say "I have to childcare my kids". The point is that men shouldn't make it sound like they're doing some temporary task that is more of a favor to their spouse than anything else.

M, glad you like it. I enjoyed making it, let me vent some of my frustrations with the issue at hand. In that sense, creating a picture secret can be nicely therapeutic.

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Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 03:56:31 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 03:17:31 PM

(fly) I might even go so far as to say it's dangerous to sign on to these projects, but that's just because I value my freedom so much. Other people value structure, connections, vitae lines.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 03:17:31 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 03:04:25 PM

Don't worry. I'm fine, and I'm just kidding about my horrible embarrassment. I do think it's interesting, tho, how laid back it is there, er, once you get through the gates, which is a much bigger ordeal than it was in the late eighties. Oh! But if I don't reappear early next week, send the ACLU and an extraction team.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 03:04:25 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 02:53:31 PM

he he he. Agreed. (on verbs and, then also childcare seems like a synonym for babysitting, at least in terms of finding a job) How about, "I have the kids this afternoon."

Great picture secret!

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 02:53:31 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 02:48:41 PM

Twilight, you already know we have kindred spirits among our secret personalities. I'll elevate one of my more unexpected secrets to a real entry, but here I wanted to whisper a little about your mind-body split. It occurred to me, as soon as I read your lament that disciplines vary in the extent to which they expect such a split. Some disciplines even fault their members for having one.

And, of course, in disciplines that want a split, it's never really possible, so there must always be some discomfort associated with lugging the unwanted body around. Stupid body! Always getting into trouble. That's funny. I don't really believe that stuff, Twilight. I can't write at a desk, I pace when I'm onto something. My heart races when I read something good. I get mad that the ideas on the page won’t feed through the physical input mechanisms fast enough to suit me. Other days I’ll get mad at the ideas and slam a physical object onto my desk. I had a friend in grad school who had a different set of mind-body connections--things like needing to eat while reading. The whole idea of separating the mind from the body just seems wrong to me, even for science. But maybe that's just because of my history in one of those more physical disciplines--and my stubbornness.

So the next time something really inspirational happens in my intellectual work, I will think of you (Wild Blue) and dance!

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 02:48:41 PM

[academicsecret] 8/22/2006 02:17:27 PM

Childcare isn't a verb. "I have to childcare my own kids." My spouse gets really upset with me when I use words that aren't verbs as verbs.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/22/2006 02:17:27 PM

Monday, August 21, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 08:33:04 PM

Wild Blue! I was *sooo* happy to see this entry from you! (Not that I don't also appreciate Twilight's contributions.) Now... if only I could repay you with a dancing-in-the-moonlight story. Unfortunately, (maybe this confession will suffice), my shtick is to regular-ize the things in my life that other people would keep secret. I slip them into everyday conversation and try to make people accept them as normal. I do hide things, but I hide the things I'm supposed to be shouting from the rooftops. I have a cool new finding, a book proposal, whatever. Both these behaviors are unconscious for me, but I'm pretty sure that I do this backward as a way of challenging the way people evaluate each other. I'm essentially feeding an unexpected set of information into the friend-filter to ensure that I don't end up with crappy superficial friends. Not very exciting, I know, but the point is that I have reasonably exciting things in my life story. I just can't tell you here because, my identity would be instantly revealed since I don't keep those things secret like I'm supposed to. Sorry!

p.s. I haven't heard from Pumpkin, so we have no secret plot to hatch for you either. Sorry. I guess I forgot that I've been stripped of my not-a-crazy-internet-junkie credentials.

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 08:33:04 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 08:23:12 PM

I figure everyone is mostly just preoccupied with themselves.

Most likely true. But part of being preoccupied with yourself is assuming everyone is preoccupied with you, too, isn't it? Maybe not. Anyway, my fear is not so great as to make me pay for a gym membership, so it's ok. I just deal. I would prefer my students didn't see me at the gym because I just kinda would prefer they didn't see me in shorts and a tank, with my hair all messy and sweaty, etc -- or worse, while I'm changing in the locker room. I'm not athletic and I would just rather my students see me at my best rather than my worst.

You mean you have some dirt on her?

Oops, yeah, that's what I meant. And you're not missing anything; I was just joking around. As friends we've now both seen each other in our "other" lives and know each other well, that's all.

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 08:23:12 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 08:02:29 PM

Poppy, I've heard this about gym fear before, but don't really get it. (Then again, that may be because I personally don't go to the gym much.) So why is it so horrific to see students there? I figure everyone is mostly just preoccupied with themselves. (But then again, that may be my very naive outsider comment.)

I decided to go for it anyway, and it seems to have worked out ok so far (and I have some stuff on her, anyway).

You mean you have some dirt on her? But is that something you'd need to use in response to her having seen you at a concert? I feel like I am missing something here.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 08:02:29 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 04:55:18 PM

Turquoise, I *have* worried about seeing my students at concerts. I used to teach at a somewhat conservative school, so I would have been really surprised to see any of my students, but now I'm going to be adjuncting at a place where it would be a much more likely possibility to see a student. It never occurs to me until I'm actually there (which is part of the separate lives thing, I think). I'm sure seeing a student would change my behavior at the show, though I wouldn't mind simply seeing them. It's a lot better than running into them at the gym, which is the worst! (But I refuse to pay for a gym membership!)

(Have you ever seen the commercial, sadly I think it's for McDonald's, where the kids realize because of the color of their teacher's sneakers that he was crowd surfing at the show they'd just been at? I love that commercial.)

I think I would be pleasantly surprised to see a colleague. Once I brought a grad school friend to a show where I knew I was going to go crazy (this friend shares a lot of music interests with me but had only recently been exposed to the band in question), and right before the music started I suddenly worried that we would be, I don't know, at a conference or something and she would get a sudden mental image of me screaming and jumping around. But since we're more than just grad school friends, I decided to go for it anyway, and it seems to have worked out ok so far (and I have some stuff on her, anyway).

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 04:55:18 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 04:40:49 PM

Oh, Clear made me realize, no one so far has said how easy it would be to become a spy as an academic, like Sydney Bristow, who was supposedly in grad school in her first few years of being a spy -- a double agent, no less. (Once, while traipsing through a jungle looking for a bad guy, she was asked how school was going, and she said she was supposed to be writing her dissertation. Best procrastination ever.) ALIAS, anyone? Anyone? Perhaps the most obvious indication that she wasn't really writing her thesis is that she was way too buff. Still, I can pretend.

ALIAS? Anyone? Ever watch it? If not, it's a fun Netflix choice, at least the first two seasons, anyway.

Hope Homeland Security isn't watching our blog to look for evidence of spies posing as academics, even on TV...

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 04:40:49 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 04:36:44 PM

Poppy Red, are you ever concerned that students (or coworkers) may see you at these concerts? I'm not saying you should be or that it would be in any way a problem (and that, regardless of whether they were the dancing types or not), I'm just wondering if that's ever a concern with off-campus activities.

Clear, so are you saying you actually believe in the superpower of those undies?

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 04:36:44 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 03:52:03 PM

I wear superhero-related stuff under my presentation clothes sometimes, but this is because I lack confidence, not because I have some secret wild side.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 03:52:03 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 03:31:28 PM

I haven't done much skinny-dipping, unfortunately, but I like to post pictures of the indie (esp feminist) bands I like on the walls of my office. I go pretty crazy at a show of a band I really like, dancing around and screaming when others just bob their heads (I live in one of those places where it's supposedly not "cool" to dance at shows.) I also still like to dance around in my bedroom. I love music so much that I've occasionally thought I should have worked it into my dissertation somehow, but now I'm really glad I've kept myself from writing about certain things. I've also come to take a secret pride in believing it a little impossible for me to be a "real" academic, in part because I prefer indie rock to jazz, work out to Le Tigre, and own concert Ts from bands many of my colleagues have never heard of, much less heard. The only bad thing is that you can probably only act this way for so long; eventually I'll be some old geezer fondling my Sleater-Kinney CDs and moaning about the good old days of music (actually since S-K just broke up, this might happen sooner than I thought).

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 03:31:28 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 03:07:25 PM

for cool, free fonts, you might try http://www.fontface.com. I've downloaded several without a problem... at least, no problem yet!

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Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 03:07:25 PM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 12:49:14 PM

Hey Wild Blue Twilight.. I was actually trying to go in this direction with my post on kissing a while back. I wasn't as explicit as I could've been perhaps, but part of what I wanted to convey in that post was that academia gives us the ability to lead another life in the middle of a random workday. Obviously this isn't as easy as it sounds in the middle of the semester, but it is a possibility on occasion. You disappear for a few hours, you reappear a bit later, and no one knows what you did. They don't know the difference between a meeting you may have just had with some colleagues in another building, or the great afternoon playdate you just extended for a few additional hours. (And I don't mean at Chuck E. Cheese in this case.) I think so far that's my biggest and most interesting secret, the number of morning or afternoon intimate exercises I have managed to work into my schedule. I certainly don't mean to exaggerate how often this happens, but over the years I think it's been a very productively relaxing part of my on-the-job time.

Is it a different self per se? I'm not sure. But I am highly doubtful people around me have had any idea about these extracurriculars so it seems to be at least a secret self.

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Posted by Orange Ina to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 12:49:14 PM

Sunday, August 20, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 03:14:39 AM

I used to have a host of other selves. Those were the days.

Now there's little more than the disconnect between the projected me (who has it all and has it all together) and the real me (who, by the way, does little to perpetuate such a myth).

Maybe one day I'll have an elegant office, pictures of me backpacking, or will fit into my sexiest lingerie, but today my office is bare, my free time is spent playing legos or at Chuck E. Cheese, and I'm proof-positive that the freshman fifteen has nothing on the dissertation double.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 03:14:39 AM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 12:54:36 AM

I'll take this a step further: in most cases I don't like it that colleagues ask me to be on their grant proposals, period. Usually there is not much in it for you. They're sort of just using your name. But you then get sucked into all sorts of draft discussions, possibly even meetings. And it's not even clear that getting the grant will be a good thing, because that comes with its own set of obligations. And it's probably a project you weren't that keen on doing in the first place.

So yeah, I can relate, and then some.

PS. I agree, cool font!

PS2. The above is not meant to include projects that one crafts together with colleagues from the start. Of course, in that realm, I enjoy collaboration.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 12:54:36 AM

[academicsecret] 8/21/2006 12:51:06 AM

Thanks for stopping by, Jim.

I'm embarrassed to say that I haven't started yet. I'm posting about it to out myself and add extra pressure. I definitely do sit at my computer and write for at least an hour each day, just not write for publication. And that's the idea here, I think.

I never did get that 15 min/day book. I mean, I didn't buy it or look at it. For some reason I was averse to it. I figured that if I was meant to be in academia, I should be able to finish the darn dissertation on my own. I'm not sure why I felt that way, I can't say I necessarily agree with that idea now, but that was my approach and I stuck to it. Luckily I also finished the writing so in the end it worked out fine.

But that was back when I was a grad student with far fewer obligations. I know, I know, it's hard to believe, but it's true: it gets worse.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/21/2006 12:51:06 AM

[academicsecret] 8/20/2006 06:52:09 PM

Hey TS, thanks for writing this up. I hope you've had some success with it.

Clear: My case is definitely not minor; this is why I was so enthusiastic about the method. The results have blown me away.

I think if you're skeptical about this method and worried about cheating, you should start writing those checks and involve someone else in the system. I doubt you'll part with too much money.

Wisteria: I've found the 15 minutes book to be helpful, too, especially the "Writing in" idea.

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Posted by Jim Gibbon to academicsecret at 8/20/2006 06:52:09 PM

[academicsecret] 8/20/2006 05:03:26 PM

I need to get myself a collection of cool fonts.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/20/2006 05:03:26 PM

Friday, August 18, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 11:01:45 PM

I agree with Clear, it looks to me like Bear in the Big Blue House dancing.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 11:01:45 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 10:43:28 PM

Wow, Pumpkin. I can relate - not at this moment, but boy have I had some similar moments in my life (as has my partner).

I think that Twilight Blue is right on and these feelings are often a sign of something other than dissatisfaction in the relationship. Once we have them, though, they are so hard to get rid of because they become these self-fulfilling prophecies as we distance ourselves or become irritable, plus every little annoying habit seems overwhelming... It's a hard cycle to break out of.

I think that key in your post is the fact that your SS is someone "who (you) used to know, in another life." I could be completely off, but that makes it seem, to me, that you're longing to recapture something from that point in your life that you feel lacking now. I don't know if you'll be able to find a substitute for it or not.

Good luck, though. As someone who's been blindsided by some of this before, I can't help but suggest that you might consider discussing some of what's going on with your partner. On the other hand, you could just switch from wine to pina coladas.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 10:43:28 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 05:47:34 PM

Thanks for the feedback.

A few more specifics to clarify. The funding is for a project I really really want to do. It's perfect in that sense. The thing is, however, that it is waaay too big for any one person to pull off on their own. So there is money in the grant to hire additional folks. This is absolutely necessary for the project to happen. However, without various logistics around me working out, I can't hire people and get others on board. And that's what is freaking me out about not being able to do the project. Ugh.

I do see that compromises may have to be made here and there. But the project needs to get done (partly, b/c I am soo curious to see what happens, partly b/c I owe it to the funder now), but I feel like instead of helping me, hurdles are being thrown at me every step of the way. It's very frustrating.

Thanks much for putting all that thought into this, I appreciate it!

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Posted by Orange Ina to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 05:47:34 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 04:34:20 PM

Pa ha ha ha ha! Wiseria, Did I mention that I love you, the last time we "spoke"? I promise not to take anything interesting offline, just a little plotting, but not exactly. I promised. You didn't believe me?

I'll leave it to Scarlett and possibly Pumpkin to tell us about mad love affairs that *do* turn out well. (Unless Twilight wants to release "Wild Blue" to seek her own passions.)

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 04:34:20 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 03:24:33 PM

Hey, don't take this offline, it was just getting interesting!

Pumpkin, I so empathize with your feelings. I do agree with Twilight that there probably is a bigger emotional turbulence hiding somewhere, but it doesn't make the temptations less obsessive. Let me just suggest that you keep your fantasies - they never seem to work out quite that way in reality (er, so people say)

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Posted by wisteria to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 03:24:33 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 02:58:05 PM

Yes, scarce skills are power.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 02:58:05 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 02:55:42 PM

Oh! Good idea Scarlet. Can we assume you already have the novella serialized for us?

Pumpkin, I actually have a specific suggestion on that front. If you email my fake identity (with your fake identity, please), I'll disclose. And, my colorful comrades, I promise you would *lllove* the idea if you only knew what it was!

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 02:55:42 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 01:27:17 PM

Not to be glib about Pumpkin's larger plight, but I have to admit it would be an interesting turn of events on this blog if somebody decided to embark on an affair and started posting updates about it. So, someone should take one for the team.

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Posted by Scarlet to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 01:27:17 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 12:07:49 PM

For what it's worth (I hope something, but one never knows), when I am feeling the boredom, restlesseness, and temptations you describe, it is almost always as "cover" for some other, more difficult emotion(s).

So, when I find myself imagining affairs, fantasizing about leaving it all behind for some new, exotic form of life, or even just on days that I just can't seem to hold still, the sanity saving move is not to take any of this on its own terms, but to ask, rather, "okay, but what's under this?" - and to ask it again and again until I've gotten below all the layers of covering emotions to something like the heart of the matter.

I know when I've got at least CLOSE to "what's really going on with me" when the restlessness, boredom, impulse to questionable choices, etc. begin to dissipate...which also (usually!) keeps me from acting on emotions which don't really merit serving as a grounds for action.

The great, good anonymity of this blog being what it is, I don't know you and certainly don't claim to know what's most real, most pressing, or the best outcome in the situation you describe. But this approach has helped me, a lot, over the tumultuous years.

I wish you all the best...

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Posted by twilight blue to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 12:07:49 PM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 11:23:39 AM

Hi Pumpkin!
I hope you don't mind that you had me rolling on the floor with sympathetic laughter. I started to experience those boredom pangs in graduate school when in my second year of drudgery a shout in the hallway made me think something was actually happening. (nope.) Later I started to make up stories about possible affairs between various people. That entertained me for a while until I finally landed in a group of friends with enough... (I wonder what it is!) to keep my mind occupied during study breaks.

If it's just boredom, I'm sure you'll be cured very shortly 'cause they're baaaack!

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Posted by kodachrome to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 11:23:39 AM

[academicsecret] 8/18/2006 10:31:48 AM

I spent much of last night thinking about this. I don't have any answers, for you or for myself. The only thing I've come up with is to narrow your (my) focus, and think only of the project. I haven't been able to do it, but I think it might work -- at least, it might make it easier to not see the incompentence. Of course, I've also started going for a run after every accounting meeting, because otherwise I'm going to maim somebody.

This is, actually, almost exactly the type of thing I was thinking of when I ranted last week about things "not working right" -- things that should have been ironed out long ago; things that make the work much harder than it should be.

At the moment, I'm siding with Scarlet, though, and pondering the creation of an alter ego irl.

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Posted by Chartreuse Circe to academicsecret at 8/18/2006 10:31:48 AM

Thursday, August 17, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/17/2006 05:48:58 PM

Never fear, Orange Ina. The answer is easy if you take it logically. There are several ways to go about this, maybe not 50, but that's a possibility.

Here's what you do:
1. thank your benefactor
2. find out whether our benefactor will let you change the way you spend your money. If you don't want to find out, answer this question, NO.

If yes, re-allocate the funds in a less-complicated manner, especially on big ticket items, not on hiring people to do things. In some settings, the answer can be to purchase things, rather than hiring someone to make them.

If no, return the money with deepest regrets and keep the vitae line. It will still earn you more grants.

3. Try very hard to complete that project, or something resembling it, so your vitae will have the proper flow and for a super-bonus, write to your benefactor at that time with an update and additional thanks. If you are *extremely* diplomatic with your wording, you can even explain your situation more fully to your contact person there, BUT NOT IN WRITING OR EMAIL, and ONLY after you've completed the project they wanted to fund. This should secure your place of esteem in thier minds.

Not knowing how big the grant is, or whether you have a co-PI, I have to warn you that this might be bad advice, but having had a bad experience or two, myself, I can also say that you don't want the headache to get you down. If you are an associate professor in a big science department, maybe you should keep the grant and learn the ropes. If you are a graduate student on your way out the door of your current institution, I would think think it doesn't make sense to start baking cookies for the grants administrator just so s/he won't lose your receipts and timecards. (or whatever).

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Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 8/17/2006 05:48:58 PM

[academicsecret] 8/17/2006 04:04:14 PM

Hmm, that sounds terribly familiar. And no less enraging, for all that.

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Posted by CMT to academicsecret at 8/17/2006 04:04:14 PM

[academicsecret] 8/17/2006 03:52:48 PM

Adding to the list since my post:

-call after-hours doctor to diagnose kid's UTI
-calm down freaked-out kid with UTI
-take kid to doctor in morning
-call daycare to tell them we'll be late
-discover water damage in house and decide we can't deal with it right now

Big-ups to partner for:

-calling vet to make appt for dog
-cleaning up sick dog (don't ask)
-doing that sinkful of dishes
-helping calm kid
-helping calm me

And I just started on that revision, which, it turns out, is not all that much work after all. I think I'll get it done today.

Rock on, Me! and, by extension, Us, 'cause I KNOW I'm not the only one.

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Posted by lime to academicsecret at 8/17/2006 03:52:48 PM

[academicsecret] 8/17/2006 03:33:05 PM

No, it's a hampster.:)

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Posted by Orange Ina to academicsecret at 8/17/2006 03:33:05 PM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/17/2006 06:01:39 AM

This board is, like, a support group. :)

Chartreuse Cirque--Yes, this is the first time that I'm TAing. I'm looking forward to being in contact with students--right now I feel like I just spend too much time locked away in the lab.

Fraud--Yes, my partner would be able to cover for me if I were to get in a bind. The problem is that due to the nature of his job (he travels a lot), he wouldn't necessarily be around for last-minute glitches that arise.

Lime--Thanks, but I think Daddy's mind will remain fairly closed about daycare regardless of what he reads. I kind of have to agree that at this point Baby would probably not do very well in a daycare setting, so it's not something I'm prepared to fight about (yet).

Turquoise--Brilliant idea to name Baby and Daddy. I could either go with the fish theme or the Ella theme. Sardine, Trout, Tuna... Or I could go with names like Cinder. Hmmm...

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Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 8/17/2006 06:01:39 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 09:28:55 PM

The black thing in the background has good Rorschach potential. Isn't that a bear's head in the upper left?

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 09:28:55 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 09:27:36 PM

Shew! I misread that, Wild Blue (which is now the ONLY appropriate name for you), I knew you were talking about yourself, but there at the end, I thought the sugestion was for an embellishment to *my* story (a better secret), and I can tell you why I thought that. I'm already worried that my chair will cruise through and think, "Gee this story about getting kicked out of a classroom by a conference sounds familiar." Now if the story had a few extras in it, like, "I tore off my clothes and went streaking through the rain with a bunch of (CLOTHED, mind you) undergraduates," I just imagine that my semester would be more eventful than I'd like.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 09:27:36 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 08:46:15 PM

(Credit) Lime! I was afraid you were gone forever! Thanks so much for this, and for coming back to us.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 08:46:15 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 08:46:15 PM

(Credit) Lime! I was afraid you were gone forever! Thanks so much for this, and for coming back to us.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 08:46:15 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 08:46:21 PM

(Rain) Pah ha ha ha ha ha! Twilight Blue, I'll keep that in mind for next time, but I think you just sent several of our colorful companions under the table. Fraud, I've found a new appreciation for the landscaping since that day. I try to enjoy it, since it's there (and since there aren't any books in the library to distract me from the beautiful view.) And Turquoise, no worries, it was the end of summer session. Life is good.

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 08:46:21 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 08:41:24 PM

I join Kodachrome in being impressed about beer being handed off in poster session space.

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Posted by Clear to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 08:41:24 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 08:03:44 PM

Hunh. I needed to hear this today. Thanks, Lime!

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Posted by Chartreuse Circe to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 08:03:44 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 07:37:43 PM

I LOVE this! Having done a fair amount of lawn frolicking (if not body surfing) myself, it brings back very fond memories.

Actually, a quite happily remembered moment from undergrad is from a spring seminar during which we sat outside on a lawn discussing Aquinas, while on a further reach of lawn, just behind my professor, a group of semi-clothed-to-naked students were doing a May pole sort of dance in celebration of Spring... The juxtaposition was quite delightful. I was then - and probably am still now - too shy to shrug off my clothes, streak through seminar, and join their dance, which is regrettable...at least insofar as THAT story would've made for a better academic secret....

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Posted by twilight blue to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 07:37:43 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 06:20:54 PM

By the way, want to give Baby and Daddy names as well? (Not that those aren't names.) I guess Salmon Baby and Salmon Daddy aren't quite as nifty as Salmon Ella. Ella Baby and Ella Daddy aren't obvious choices either. I'm just thinking it would add an extra layer of SalmonEllaness to reading your posts (not that your posts are lacking or anything like that!).

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 06:20:54 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 06:17:04 PM

I'm with you, Lime. Life takes so much work. And when you don't have a partner everything falls on you to do. If you don't pay the bill, no one will. If you don't do the laundry, no one will. If you don't go grocery shopping, you won't have food for dinner. If you don't pick up dry-cleaning then you won't have that necessary outfit for that upcoming meeting. It's exhausting just to think about, never mind actually do. And that's why a 9-5 job on occasion seems very appealing.

There's the personal realm work and then there are also the millions of tasks you started your post with (and what I thought it was going to be about) that don't get counted either. And spending half a day doing them doesn't make you feel like you accomplished much. You mentioned some of these, like the notes to people you met at the conference. But how about replying to requests to review articles or proposals, replying to questions about work, replying to students about their projects and setting up meetings with them, and the list just goes on and on and on. So yes, I hear you! And I do try to feel accomplished when I take care of a couple of things even in these areas, otherwise it would all be too depressing.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 06:17:04 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 05:48:34 PM

I believe whole-heartedly that we should give credit where credit is due. You've accomplished a ton!

I, too, just returned to town and feel completely over-whelmed by all that has to be done (and isn't getting done because I've been in meetings all day and leave town again tomorrow; the sitter will just have to forgive me).

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 05:48:34 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 02:42:34 PM

Just the mere fact that you've been doing this longer you know more. That is, maybe you don't know the specific subject matter that well, but you have more life experience and while this may sound a bit fluffy, I do think that actually makes a difference in the classroom. (Plus compared to standing in front of all those experts at the conference getting feedback on your poster, this should be a breeze.. even if a different topic.)

In my experience, students know even less than we think. And that's okay. It's okay to reroute the lecture midway if it turns out you're ahead of them and spend extra time talking about the basics. You should feel more comfortable with that and they will likely appreciate it.

It's also okay - in fact, one may argue should be encouraged - to stop at various parts of the class and ask whether people have questions. Of course, don't make the mistake of leaving just one second for someone to raise their hand. Wait a bit. You could even have a time-out where you let them think about what you just covered and see if they have questions.

That said, if you're concerned they may ask something you don't know then of course you don't want to give them too many such opportunities.:)

If you don't know the answer to a question, don't try to fake it, just let them know you'll look into it for next time. They'll know you're honest and human and that can only help.

I suspect you'll do just fine, but I understand that you're nervous.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 02:42:34 PM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 10:51:24 AM

There are lots of good studies on the relative merits at center- and home-based daycare, the overall gist of it being that the quality of the care is way more important than the center-home split. Maybe Daddy can read some of this to feel more comfortable with other center-based options.

I can dig up links if you're interested.

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Posted by lime to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 10:51:24 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 10:24:35 AM

Sounds like you and your students got just the break that you needed!

----

Some of my favorite jokes about this institution involve their obsessive groundskeeping.

I think my graduate school spent more money on landscaping than on all the grad student salaries combined. It was nauseating.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 10:24:35 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 10:21:40 AM

And here you thought you'd run out of stresses to blog about, Salmon. :)

I agree with chartreuse and believe that the teaching assistantship will go well. In no time at all you will feel like a pro in the area and it will all come quite easily, I'm sure. I have a TA who's never taken a class in the area of the course - either grad or undergrad - and I have complete faith in her and her abilities.

Daycare issues will be more difficult. You and your partner will obviously have to find a place other than the campus childcare that you're both confident in and I wish you luck with that. It's not an easy task.

With childcare, sick children are a given. My son was sick so much his first year of daycare (my first year of grad school). While, in my opinion, there's nothing wrong with taking a sick child to class with you, it's not always pleasant. They're sick and cranky and irritable and even the angel child could be a terror under those circumstances. I assume that your partner has sick time. Is it possible that you make a pact that sick days that fall on lab days are his responsibility?

Good luck to you. I don't doubt that there are moments in the coming semester that you'll feel overwhelmed, but at the end, when you've made it through, you'll feel really fabulous. Trust me.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 10:21:40 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 09:45:14 AM

Is this the first time you've TA'd? From your writing here, I'd expect you to be good at it -- you communicate clearly, and you remember what it's like to struggle. In my experience, these things are more important to the students than you grasp of the material, although it is also very, very important. To quote one of my old advisors, though "The questions you're afraid they will ask are the hard ones. The ones they don't know enough to ask." That is, you're almost guaranteed to know more than they do, and it'll be much easier for you to absorb the material and stay 2 steps ahead.

I loved TAing, and found it (depending on the professor, of course) to be an excellent way to transition from student to teacher. Sometimes (ie for some classes) you'll just answer questions, others you'll present lectures on points brought up in lecture. Also, I found that, because I was in closer contact with the students, I was able to pick during lecture what would bother them, and go back to it later in recitation. My students, judging by the reviews, loved working with me even though I was a hardass, and I loved working with them.

I'm sort of on the opposite side of the fence than you are with respect to TAs. I think that a school with a very strong gaduate program is likely to have excellent TA's and because they are often closer in age and experience to the student than is the professor provide invaluable assistance. I think every single class should have a TA (of course, I also think that every class should be taught by a professor). With the caveat, of course, that the best researchers are seldom the best teachers (hence the usefulness of good TAs).

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Posted by Chartreuse Circe to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 09:45:14 AM

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 05:32:36 AM

Sounds fun! And while it can be frustrating to have a part of class cancelled, this early on in the year it's a bit of a mixed blessing, no? That is, you'll have to do less preparations for next class. But since it's not the end of the term yet, presumably it's not messing up the schedule too much.

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 05:32:36 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 01:49:37 AM

Turqiouse, how nice that you take this so seriously... I think... after giving us medical advice based on something you saw on Sex and the City! (I'm kidding!)

And Twilight (a.k.a. Wild Blue Yonder)! Wow! I'll bet you just took a ton of pressure off the Canadian underground drug trade. Thanks!

I'm guessing the viagra is a confidence booster, and to take off from Thistle's point, I'll just say it's a real shame there isn't something similar for women. You know, like: "Maybe I got two rejection letters this week, but at least my flag is still flying. Where's the female equivalent for that?

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 01:49:37 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 01:48:06 AM

That's funny Navy Blue Blob! I hadn't thought of it that way. I keep thinking tenure is important and that when I have it, my work will finally be FREEEEE and stop sounding so constipated, no?

Hi Sulfur Siren, hilarious banana story, except that I'm pretty sure all fruits are liquids encased in cellular membranes. I think people are liquids, too. "I'm sorry but you're going to have to leave your body here. You can put your ID and your money in a plastic bag and they can accompany your electronic ticket to your destination."

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 01:48:06 AM

[academicsecret] 8/16/2006 01:45:52 AM

Fraud, I think you'll love having a real job. It's perfect for you. In the classroom, you'll have all these moments when you're actually not a fraud and then some insensitive colleague will ruin it. Being a rookie again can be a trip.

But I just noticed that you're our authentic Fraud-with-a-capital F. Nobody can talk that away from you! ;-)

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Posted by Mahogany to academicsecret at 8/16/2006 01:45:52 AM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 10:13:09 PM

Oh...and all the cows have blue or green eyes.

It's not that I expect a lot of scientific accuracy in animated features but come on.

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 10:13:09 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 10:06:16 PM

In the movie "Barnyard" there are several boy cows - apparently not bulls since they all have udders. There are only two female cows in the movie and at least five male cows (which sounds funny everytime I say it) but they actually refer to themselves as cows. There is also a big deal about being the protector and a speech about "A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others."

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Posted by Sulphur Siren to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 10:06:16 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 08:10:33 PM

Salmon, you were just at a conference, how does that constitute summer vacation?

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Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 08:10:33 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 07:18:37 PM

Because Disney gave it a man's name and voice.

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Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 07:18:37 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 04:40:31 PM

I am also having back to school blues. :(

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Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 04:40:31 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 03:33:40 PM

I don't get this, why is this a boy cow?

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Posted by Navy Blue Blob to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 03:33:40 PM

[academicsecret] 8/15/2006 02:16:51 PM

Oh, and welcome, Sulfer Siren.

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Posted by Chartreuse Circe to academicsecret at 8/15/2006 02:16:51 PM