Sunday, June 24, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Turquoise Stuff has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

Salmon, first, I'm sorry to hear about all these difficulties. I agree that it is _very_ hard to juggle one's feminist ideals and realistic expectations on one's everydays.

I agree that you should get your Master's even if you won't get a PhD, because you truly have put a ton of work into it and yes, it would be great to have something to show for it on paper.

I also agree that switching to the new person as an advisor may be tricky. And as someone else already commented, you may be putting her in a very difficult situation with respect to your advisor who is presumably a senior person and will be voting on her tenure case.

That said, there's no reason you can't approach her for advice.

Regarding raising your child with a god especially if you're not a believer yourself, I hope you don't! That definitely does seem hypocritical and as Flicka Mawa noted, it is absolutely not a necessity for raising a moral child.

In fact, I would go as far as to argue that it could have very negative repercussions. I mean, do you really want your child to live in fear or things she won't understand anyway? That seems like a cruel approach. I think you should have trust in you and your husband to know that you can pass on important lessons without that dishonest approach (I call it dishonest, because if you don't believe in a god then how can you preach its existence to your child?).

Finally, I hope you don't leave a.secret, that would be really sad!



Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 6/25/2007 3:35 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?.

Turquoise Stuff has left a new comment on your post "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?":

It's definitely not even half over! Even if you're at a school where teaching starts in early/mid-August, you still have almost two months over. But if you're in one that only starts well into September then almost three months to go! So yes, it is still full, even more than half in many cases!



Posted by Turquoise Stuff to academicsecret at 6/25/2007 3:09 AM

Friday, June 22, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

To the anonymous poster above: thank you.

Since that last post, I've sworn off posting here, but yet I keep coming back to see the comments through until the end (I'm a glutton for punishment, I guess). I'm usually sorry immediately after I click on the 'whispers' button, but your 'whisper' was a pleasant surprise.



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/22/2007 8:07 PM

Thursday, June 21, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

I cannot believe the negativity this post generated! Poor salmon ella! You're just trying to juggle being a mom and a scientist and making sure you have time to be fully present and do a good job in whatever role you're in. It is very hard and very complex, and you have every right to be frustrated with someone who wants to use her child (it sounds like) to make you bend to her schedule. You also are not a hypocrite for wanting to make sure that your advisor is actually around for you.

My advisor has not been there for me, and I've adjusted to that pretty well because I am comfortable working on my current project alone. But sometimes I do wish that I had someone who was more attentive. And there is nothing wrong with wanting that--after all, you are a STUDENT of this person.

Guidance is not hand-holding. I agree that there has to be a balance of independence and guidance, but as an instructor myself, if I were as lazy about my students as most of the faculty I know, I don't think I'd want to be in the academy at all. Sometimes I just don't think PhD students matter very much to full-time faculty, when we are the ones who are supporting their own research by the tuition we pay and the low-level classes we teach. I have resented paying tuition every semester since I started my dissertation, because, as far as I can see, I am teaching MYSELF how to do this. At least at the end, I will have the degree, which is worth something, but I think the mentoring system at most American Universities is woefully inadequate all around, and comments such as Ms. Phd's just make me want to spit nails!!!! Are you that far removed from your PhD experience that you cannot remember what it was like in this stage????

What academia needs is more people like ella here, people who are willing to question the establishment, the tradition, and themselves. Those are the people I respect in academia, the people who do work every bit as hard as the rest of the university (and often harder), but who are willing to stop and think critically about the process.

Besides, I thought this blog was devoted to deconstructing academia, not upholding the accepted status quo . . .



Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 6/22/2007 3:35 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?":

I agree with what poppy said--I sure hope it's not over, because I have a lot of writing to do yet! I think those of us who teach summer classes are also feeling that claustrophobic sense of not having enough time to do research or other things, given the pace of the summer term. I keep wondering when I will actually have a summer . . .



Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 6/22/2007 3:04 AM

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?.

Poppy Red has left a new comment on your post "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?":

Oh my goodness, I hope the summer isn't almost over! I have a lot to do (for my degree) and also a lot more fun to have! I've been teaching summer classes, so in a sense my summer hasn't truly started yet either...



Posted by Poppy Red to academicsecret at 6/20/2007 9:07 PM

[academicsecret] New comment on Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?.

JaneB has left a new comment on your post "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?":

My final examiner's meeting is at the end of this week, so my summer doesn't really start until Monday - ooo boy, can't wait!



Posted by JaneB to academicsecret at 6/20/2007 2:32 PM

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?":

maybe some people feel like it's on its last legs b/c they got out in early may. i am used to a mid june ending and hence, am right there with you. there is much fun left!

--strawberries



Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 6/19/2007 7:55 PM

Saturday, June 16, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Grading Woes.

sakthi has left a new comment on your post "Grading Woes":

I don't feel grading letter doesn't make any changes in him/her fate or attitude,but on the contrary some people perhaps get discouraged when they got "D" and some may get motivated when they got "A"...
European Breakdown Cover



Posted by sakthi to academicsecret at 6/16/2007 3:01 PM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

...it sounds like you managed the career part just fine. ;-)

Well, not really--I did get lucky with some research I was doing this semester, though (unfortunately, not my resesarch with my advisor--go figure). But thanks. ;-)

Thanks also for the book reference. I certainly didn't mean to imply that one must be religious in order to be moral and ethical; in fact, that is about the opposite of what I believe. I just think that the concept of 'God' to a young child may have some value because the idea of a higher power explains concepts they might not otherwise be able to wrap their minds around (like the idea of there being a 'greater good'). Plus rules mandated by 'God' seems to carry more weight than rules mandated by Mom and Dad.

All that said, I think the chances of us raising our child religiously are realistically slim to none.



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/13/2007 10:59 PM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Flicka Mawa has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

I am sorry to read that you don't believe in god yet you want your daughter to fear going to hell so she will behave well. You need to have more confidence in human nature. God and religion are not the only things that make humans act in a civil manner, which you should know first hand if you don't believe in god yourself. I do understand, however, that if you were raised with a strict religion, you may attribute some of your own beliefs to that. As one who has always been an atheist, I can confirm that you can raise your daughter to be extremely ethical and caring without needing religion. In fact, there's a new book out on just that, which I just started reading myself. It's called Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion. Please, please consider that you do not need to teach your daughter about god for her to be a moral and ethical child.

On another note, having just read your post from nearly a year ago where you said you were vying for laziest grad student on academic secret, and in this one you say you are seen as star student and poster child for having a family and doing research, it sounds like you managed the career part just fine. ;-)



Posted by Flicka Mawa to academicsecret at 6/13/2007 9:11 PM

[academicsecret] New comment on Graduate school is not for babies..

Flicka Mawa has left a new comment on your post "Graduate school is not for babies.":

Nice post. I hope to have a baby before I finish grad school as well, and I share many of your concerns. I just discovered academic secret; looks pretty neat! My post about babies and grad school is here: Grad school is not my everything.



Posted by Flicka Mawa to academicsecret at 6/13/2007 9:03 PM

Saturday, June 09, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Unbelievable.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Unbelievable":

I love overheard conversations. Thanks for sharing.



Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 6/10/2007 4:48 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

fraud, in denim has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

I guess for me graduate school was, in so many ways, easier than being a faculty member (at least a first-year faculty member).

That said, having my son before I started graduate school was the best thing that I ever did. He started first grade when I started my job last year and now that we're both "in school" our schedules and lives are much more similar than they were before. It's not any easier when he's sick and I'm still staying up to work at night to get it all in, not to mention going in one weekend day a week - so timewise it's all still a crunch, but schematically it's all much smoother now that he's older.



Posted by fraud, in denim to academicsecret at 6/09/2007 9:04 AM

Thursday, June 07, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Fraud, Dr. Fraud..

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Fraud, Dr. Fraud.":

dr farrell palos heights



Posted by Anonymous to academicsecret at 6/07/2007 9:34 AM

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

i think it's a complete error to assume that you can wait it out until they get older and it will all be easier.

I think my main point is that when kids are older, they are expected to go to school, and the time that you will have when they are in school is a given. People do not frown upon kids going to school 20-30 hours a week, but the same cannot be said about daycare.

Kids of all ages require lots of time and energy, obviously.

I'm not 'waiting it out'--I'm grinding through it. However, I do fully expect things to get easier when I'm finished with my course work (which will free up many hours a week), finished taking qualifying exams, finished with my thesis, etc., etc. Yes, I know, those things can be replaced with writing grants and teaching and serving on committees and whatnot, but honestly, I have never had anyone tell me 'Oh grad school was the easiest time of my life and things just got harder from there!'



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/06/2007 4:59 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Anastasia has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

in many ways, children demand more attention as they get older. not less. it's a different kind of attention and it requires a different kind of energy but i think it's a complete error to assume that you can wait it out until they get older and it will all be easier.

just thought I'd say. especially since I have a newborn and a three year old and I can't work because of the three year old. not the newborn. What the hell, she sleeps 20 hours a day.

anyway. it did occur to me that you might should evaluate what you really need and think through how else you might motivate yourself but someone already said and you already replied. So whatever.

last thing, i agree with you about the value of strict guidelines in religion, even if you don't follow them. at least, what you said really did make sense to me.



Posted by Anastasia to academicsecret at 6/05/2007 10:20 PM

Sunday, June 03, 2007

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

I wanted to make sure to take the time to respond to the other comments left here.

Thanks Strawberries and Poppy. Poppy--I do agree that things might be different with the nicer advisor if I were officially her advisee. She may not be around much because she doesn't have any advisees yet and therefore maybe has no reason to be around a lot. I just don't know if I'd have the heart to start over. The project is completely different from what I currently do, and I am a slow learner to begin with. I'm also not really sure the nice advisor wants me, because of how it might affect her relationship with my current advisor. I can't really tell.

I agree that in a way I don't respond well to negativity, but in a way I kind of do, so it's tricky. However, we've talked through some of our issues, and he has actually responded pretty well, so I am going to grin and bear it this summer and then go from there. (My friends say I have battered woman's syndrome.)

To the first two anonymous posters, re. religion: I do intend to teach my child to think critically about religion. It's just that sometimes I think religion works best when it lays out a rigid set of rules, and while you don't totally obey them, they still set some basic moral guidelines for you. I don't know if 'anything goes' religions like Unitarianism do that. Sorry if that doesn't make sense--maybe I can try to explain it better.

And finally, for the record, I have rejected many male advisors for the same reason that I rejected the nice advisor: not being accessible enough. However, since the topic of my post was hypocrisy, I didn't find it pertinent to mention this. The reason the male advisors I rejected aren't around that much isn't because they have young children, but if it were, I would not want them, either. Likewise, if the nice advisor weren't around much just because she didn't feel like it (like some of her male counterparts), I also wouldn't want her. I seem to need an advisor who is around a lot, and this applies to both males and females. If I'm too needy, then so be it, but my advisor has never told me this, and he doesn't seem to have any problem pointing out my deficiencies to me, so I'm sure that he would have told me that by now if it were true. So while I agree there are some gender issues here (mainly because the main burden of child rearing usually falls on the woman), I don't think it's fair to say I hold men and women to different standards. If we were talking about a nice advisor who was a single dad and a mean advisor who was a bachelorette workaholic, I'd be having the same dilemma.

That is all.



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/04/2007 6:52 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

P.S. Also, I think you misunderstood. When I said 'I'm also a mom' I meant that like her, I'm a mom, too. She doesn't have time to be in the lab because she can't leave her kid, but I'm supposed to make sure I'm there whenever she can be?



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/04/2007 6:07 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

Do you think you'll never have time to be a mentor? Or do you assume that your kid(s) will be older by the time you're a PI, and then it will all be manageable?

If you can't put in the time to figure it out the hard way, you're not going to make it in science.

I have bent over backwards to try to make my schedule correspond with the new grad student's schedule so that I can be in the lab at the same time as she is, which is hard when she's only willing to put in three or four hours a week and is not flexible at all. Why is it my problem and not hers? I consider it my problem if I can't be in the lab at the same time as my advisor because he is the one doing the favor. In this situation, I'm the one doing the favor.

I don't expect to 'make it' in science to any degree that people here would find acceptable, but thanks for pointing that out to me anyway. I don't expect to ever be a PI because that isn't what I want to do. But for the record, yes, I do think that it gets easier when your kids get older; in fact, it is already easier for me now than it was a year ago. Eventually they start going to school and by the time you're a PI you actually get paid for your time, so you can afford childcare.

So here's my final secret, because I really think I need to stop posting here. I don't even want to get a Ph.D. anymore, but I do want to finish my Master's because I have put way too much work into going back to school to not have something to show for it. Plus I really enjoy teaching, which I can do with a Master's. I don't have any delusions of getting a Ph.D. or a tenure-track position or becoming a PI or whatever, but I don't think that makes my grad school experience any less legitimate. However, people here seem to have one-track minds, and I'm starting to feel a little out of place.

Goodbye.



Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/04/2007 5:31 AM

[academicsecret] New comment on Hypocrisy!.

Ms.PhD has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":

I don't get it. The line about how you can't be a mentor, because you're a mother? I get that you don't have time right now. I don't get why it's okay for you to be in grad school if that's really what you think. Do you think you'll never have time to be a mentor? Or do you assume that your kid(s) will be older by the time you're a PI, and then it will all be manageable?

Obviously you've thought about this some, since you're aware of the hypocrisy of the problem that this busy female PI with a family is probably exactly the right advisor for you.

But try thinking of it this way: you're committing the most egregious crime against any woman scientist anywhere: holding her to unrealistic standards you don't apply to any males.

Now, go get a clue, and stop expecting any PI to hand-hold you through protocols. That's not her job, and you should know that by now unless you just started grad school yesterday. If you can't put in the time to figure it out the hard way, you're not going to make it in science. If you can't get independent right quick, you never will, no matter who your advisor is.



Posted by Ms.PhD to academicsecret at 6/04/2007 3:28 AM