Salmon Ella has left a new comment on your post "Hypocrisy!":
I wanted to make sure to take the time to respond to the other comments left here.
Thanks Strawberries and Poppy. Poppy--I do agree that things might be different with the nicer advisor if I were officially her advisee. She may not be around much because she doesn't have any advisees yet and therefore maybe has no reason to be around a lot. I just don't know if I'd have the heart to start over. The project is completely different from what I currently do, and I am a slow learner to begin with. I'm also not really sure the nice advisor wants me, because of how it might affect her relationship with my current advisor. I can't really tell.
I agree that in a way I don't respond well to negativity, but in a way I kind of do, so it's tricky. However, we've talked through some of our issues, and he has actually responded pretty well, so I am going to grin and bear it this summer and then go from there. (My friends say I have battered woman's syndrome.)
To the first two anonymous posters, re. religion: I do intend to teach my child to think critically about religion. It's just that sometimes I think religion works best when it lays out a rigid set of rules, and while you don't totally obey them, they still set some basic moral guidelines for you. I don't know if 'anything goes' religions like Unitarianism do that. Sorry if that doesn't make sense--maybe I can try to explain it better.
And finally, for the record, I have rejected many male advisors for the same reason that I rejected the nice advisor: not being accessible enough. However, since the topic of my post was hypocrisy, I didn't find it pertinent to mention this. The reason the male advisors I rejected aren't around that much isn't because they have young children, but if it were, I would not want them, either. Likewise, if the nice advisor weren't around much just because she didn't feel like it (like some of her male counterparts), I also wouldn't want her. I seem to need an advisor who is around a lot, and this applies to both males and females. If I'm too needy, then so be it, but my advisor has never told me this, and he doesn't seem to have any problem pointing out my deficiencies to me, so I'm sure that he would have told me that by now if it were true. So while I agree there are some gender issues here (mainly because the main burden of child rearing usually falls on the woman), I don't think it's fair to say I hold men and women to different standards. If we were talking about a nice advisor who was a single dad and a mean advisor who was a bachelorette workaholic, I'd be having the same dilemma.
That is all.
Posted by Salmon Ella to academicsecret at 6/04/2007 6:52 AM
